Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts

Parents As Role Models

While television and other media have made it a practice to anoint well-known celebrities as positive role models for kids, the great majority of people still believe that parents should be the foremost role models of their children. The following is a compilation of various ways that can help parents become better role models for their kids.

In terms of nurturing children, the most common comment is to show your love and concern. Tell them you love them every day and show affection daily through hugs, kisses and touches. In spite of busy schedules, make time for special family fun activities. Also make the effort to meet your child's friends to build stronger rapport with them and to gauge the influence they exert on your kids.

Understanding is another key in becoming an effective role model for your child.

As the saying goes, "Understand - don't take a stand." Communication is vital and should always be a two-way street. Listen to your kids and find out what's going on in their lives and if anything is bothering them. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything under the sun. It is important to remember that children who have good communication with their parents are more likely to ask for their advice than turn to their peers.

Parents constantly demand respect from their children, but remember that is it is not something that can be taken for granted. Like most things of real value, respect has to be earned. And oftentimes, the best way to earn respect is to give respect. This also means that you have to learn to empathize, to put yourself in your kid's shoes and understand what it means to be him. And always try to avoid putting your children in situations where they feel disregarded, disrespected, humiliated or embarrassed. Such situations can sometimes leave deep emotional scars.

Remember that you have to teach your children to respect themselves as well. Teach them to stand up for themselves without putting their safety at risk. Discuss ways to solve problems without fighting. Make them aware that fighting never solves a problem. Most importantly, advise them that physical force or intimidation does not win respect, rather, it is the quality of one's character that wins respect.

Keith Shepherdson 10S16

Bringing Up Kids The Right Way

Mothers face an uphill task bringing up their kids in today’s materialistic world. They face a greater responsibility and challenge today than ever before,in bringing up the kids as responsible and worthy citizens of the world.

Children are the future of the world and it is of utmost importance that they be taught the right values and correct thinking. Given the present scenario, where our world has shrunk and boundaries have been erased by advancing information technology, tolerance levels have hit an all time low the world over. It is high time we gear up to impart training for our kids which focuses mainly on positive emotions, all encompassing views, with the sole aim of creating responsible world citizens.

The family as a close knit unit is the right place for the child to start learning these important lessons of life. The mother being the key figure in the child’s life during the formative years plays the most important role in molding the thought processes and emotions of the little one. A calm and composed mother makes her child feel secure and sends out the message to the little one that she is in charge and that there is nothing to fear. As the child grows, confidence in the abilities of the mother increases and the child will form easy relationships with the dad and other siblings and anyone who the mother interacts with. There is an important point that moms have to bear in mind; that she should in no way exhibit any negative emotions or feelings in the presence of her child, at least till the child is about 6-7 years of age. Raising children with good values and moral behavior should be the all important duty of parents. By the time the child is about 6-7 years of age, the child should be able to respect adults, what belongs to others, should exhibit good behavior outside their homes and interact amicably and cheerfully with their peers.

Children are given to irrational behavior at times and mothers should relate to them at their level to bring them around to her point of view, at the same time make allowances once in a while. The ability of a child to understand and grasp good moral behavior would be different during the various developmental stages and as they journey through life as toddlers, adolescents and young adults. Each stage requires a different mode of handling and the extent to which allowances can be made in their favor. As teenagers, the children should be given more freedom to do the things they would like to do, but they should be taught to do so responsibly and also learn to accept the consequences of their actions and set it right if the need arises. This would teach them to shoulder responsibility and recognize right from wrong and by the time they are young adults, they would have enough experiences and would be ready to start their life on their own.

Mothers are intuitive to the emotions, feelings and actions of their kids because they are closely involved in bringing them up and she is the best person to inculcate and instill in them good habits, moral behavior and values. An intelligent mother would teach by example, communicates with her kids at all times, keep track of the kind of friends they interact with, especially when the kids reach their teens. Mothers with teenagers know only too well how tough parenting at that stage is and would do well to invite their friends over once in way and mingle with them. It would make the children proud to have a mom who cares for the friends as well, because children in their teens tend to attach a great deal of importance to their friendships. This is also an excellent way to keep track of your teenager’s lifestyle.

Parenting is a tough commitment, a long arduous journey; but when you look at the fine young adults you have reared, you know you have done your duty well and have made a great contribution towards a better world.

Parental role

Reviewed by David Pang Auckland, New Zealand
February 2, 2006
Do not be mistaken, Family matters: The role of parents in Singapore education is not about failing schools or failing children in Singapore. Neither is it about dysfunctional families and their consequences. Rather, the thrust of the book concerns how parents in Singapore manage their children’s education and contribute to the national effort of capacity building in today’s competitive international economy. More specifically, it is about lived experiences of Singaporean parents responding to a uniquely local phenomenon called “Kiasu” (literally means ‘afraid to lose’) in a highly meritocratic and competitive society. Others have made similar observation of this preoccupation with succeeding in education: “A major concern of many parents in Singapore is how well their children will perform in school learning tasks, what marks or grades they will obtain in school and national examinations and consequently which secondary school or junior college their children get admitted to” (Quah et al., 1997, p.319). However, the active mainstreaming of parental involvement in schooling in Singapore is a relatively recent occurrence. Its marginal status was due to “a paternalistic and centrally-controlled education system in past decades” (p. 6). New policy initiatives to engage parents in a tripartite partnership of home-school-community began only in 1998 when the then educational Minister emphasized “the tapping of parental resources for schooling, and the sharing of the responsibility for the education of children with parents as well as other ‘stakeholders’” (p. 7).
As a country, Singapore is a ‘rags to riches’ story. It has evolved from a backward colony devoid of natural resources to an ultra-modern metropolis. Today, it is regarded as a nodal point of trade and commerce, particularly within the Asian region. Variously described as an ‘intelligent city’, a ‘creative destruction city’, or ‘Switzerland of Asia’, its much-admired achievement is nothing short of ‘self-made’. Not surprisingly, therefore, the author, Lana Khong Yiu Lan, an Assistant Professor at the National Institute of Education, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore, begins the first chapter of Family Matters with a captivating title, "Singapore schools today: survival of the fittest." In it, she encapsulates the complex and dynamic environment confronting families and writes, “education is such a high-stakes issue in Singapore” (p. 7).
Using the case study approach (Chapter Two), Khong’s study attempted to “capture the voices, emotions, and actions’ (p. 40) of seven modern middle-class mothers whose children studied in a prestigious all-girls primary school. The dominant discussion has excluded fathers because, according to the author, caring for children is still widely perceived as the mother’s domain. This effectively rules out the findings being reflective across demographic background in terms of ethnic and socioeconomic variations in parental involvement in education. Chapter Three provides some useful background information concerning those families who were surveyed as part of the study. Using the combined theoretical orientations of Pierre Bourdieu’s cultural capital (pp. 22-25) and James Coleman’s social capital (pp. 25-28), the study drew attention to the multiple social realities of parenting and investigated the different impacts these ‘capitals’ had on the case-study mothers. It sought “to understand and account for how resources in the home environment, including the relationships within it, are activated and transferred by parents to children in supporting children’s schooling” (p. 30).
Two patterns of parental management or parenting patterns have emerged in the study. Four mothers were identified as proactive parents (Chapter Four) and three as passive parents (Chapter Five). The ‘lives’ of the subjects are presented in the form of selected vignettes in four categories: mothers’ work – at home and outside, mothers and children’s schooling, mothers’ strategies, and mothers and material resources. Comparison of the characteristics of the two types of parenting show that they were uneven and easily distinguishable (Chapter Six). The key characteristics of proactive parenting included being informed, taking initiative and a parental readiness for self sacrifice (p. 115). The passive parents displayed clearly different set of parenting practices than the proactive parents. There was a lower level of personal parental involvement and participation in the children’s schooling experience. Passive parenting manifested indifference, inaction, and a focus on self-fulfilment (p. 121). The information gathered suggested that family strategies and family resources have a compelling influence in explaining the socially differentiated educational outcomes and experiences. Collectively, the parenting styles reflected the different choices and decisions made by parents in response to perceived threats and opportunities at a particular time and social location. In general, the practice of family involvement in education falls short of its promises, and the author describes the challenges this way:
These choices reflect the priorities and form a major response on the part of these modern women to the dilemma of balancing perceived opportunities and limitations. Faced with juggling real concerns for their children’s well-being in the educational contest, meeting cultural expectations for keeping family values intact, as well as being called upon to actively contribute to national GNP, most women will rarely be able to fulfil every one of these requirements equally successfully. (p. 127)
In Chapter Seven, the author offers an array of examples of what she calls “supportive webbing” (p. 194) as a means of promoting success for children’s education. She suggests that the different levels of social capital within the family and community – the development of social relationships, networks, and reciprocity between parents and children, between spouses, between home and school, and between agencies and community organizations – can account for the different educational outcomes for children. The critical role played by productive relationships is particularly important in a society where school work load is always very demanding
Khong’s concluding thoughts in Chapter 8 are by far the most interesting to read in the volume. In discussing the implications, she proposes a model where the family is at the intersection of a multiplicity of variables comprising “global, societal and familial component parts” (p. 196), with each presenting fresh challenges on parenting. However, the author cautions against focusing excessively on and overplaying the economic dimensions of families and the instrumental role of schools without seeking a balance between valuing “schools merely as machinery for the production of globally-competitive, skilled workers … [and]… as learning communities for the creation of citizens” (p. 205). Another Singapore educationist puts this delicate calibration of achieving educational and economic objectives succinctly, “[G]iven the examination-oriented culture where parents impose a lot of pressure on their children to excel in their studies, how much room are parents willing to give for their children to explore their talents and abilities?” (Tan, 2005, p.451). But one can stretch this argument still further to ask: Is this one way to moderate parents ‘kiasu’ attitude in always wanting their child to be the best? Or, do parents have a choice?
So where are parents in Singapore heading in a globalising world? Singapore, being a ‘price-taker’ rather than a ‘price-maker’ economy, can expect the pressure driving changes and raising expectations for the parents and other stakeholders to accelerate. They may find themselves increasingly guided by statements that assert the role of parents in supporting and responding to educational changes. Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s first National Day speech in August 2004 is a case in point. In mapping out his vision of educating for Singapore’s future, he urged parents to “support the efforts of the schools: when the schools are trying new teaching methods or when they are trying to build character or just toughening them up a little” (Lee, 2004, p.H7). Similarly, insights provided by social commentators will be noted. For example, Thomas Friedman (2005), author of the much-talked about book, ‘The World is Flat’, suggests that “Helping individuals adapt to a flat world is not only the job of governments and companies. It is also the job of parents. They too need to know in what world their kids are growing up and what it will take them to thrive” (p. 303). Indeed, in Family matters, Khong calls for a response from all stakeholders that would reflect more adequately and accurately the impact of “external forces” (p. 197) on family and society. She seeks to stimulate this effort by highlighting, among other things, the need to give attention to the development of parenting skills, the democratization of parenting focusing on a shared role of husband and wife, and the development of family advocacy and family-friendly policy and expertise. The challenges ahead are formidable in terms of policy and practice, yet potentially achievable. It is inevitable that parenting in Singapore will be continuously revisited, rethought, and reframed. This book is not a call for celebration of success although the country has consistently come out top in the global ranking of mathematics and sciences.
This book is based on the author’s doctoral thesis. The style of writing is descriptive and discursive. And the tone is objective and straightforward. This book is suitable for generalists as well as specialists in education and related disciplines. However, readers with an interest in an interpretive analysis may find the book more appealing than would others with a more positivist inclination. For readers in Asia, they may be able to replicate their own experiences with the ethnographic content the author has assembled from the interviews with the participants (Chapters Four to Seven). And for readers in the west, the book can provide them with a comparative insight into the critical roles parents played in their children’s education in a country that has leap-frogged “From Third World to First” (Lee, 2000) within a short span of three decades. Taken as a whole, this book is an interesting study of parenting dynamics within the context of rapid social and economic change.

The Importance of Parental Encouragement and Support

As high school students contemplate college and attempt to navigate the challenges of high school life, parents must be clear about their role. The primary role of a high school parent is to consistently offer loving encouragement, support and guidance.

"My father and mother stand behind me.
They show me that they care.

But once in a while they remind me

That my decisions can give them a scare."

Loving parents play a critical role in the development of the young adults who will succeed in college, career and life endeavors. It is during the high school years that students begin to find their way in life. They discover their interests, aptitudes, goals and dreams. When parents take a genuine interest in the discovery process, the bond between parents and children can be greatly strengthened.

Parents who have a good relationship with their children can strengthen that relationship when they:

1. Learn About and Try to Understand the Hopes and Dreams of Each Child - You can't effectively support your children when you don't understand where they are trying to go. Whatever their dream may be, parents should find ways to help them learn more about it. By helping the student expand his/her perspective, students will make better decisions about their goals and direction.

Effective parents position themselves as allies in discovery. They offer input, ideas and suggestions but don't always try to control the direction or goals. Smart parents remember back to their own experiences and realize that life is not a straight line. We meander; and as we learn, we change direction. It is part of growing up.

Parents who try to impose exact control are usually resented. Therefore, if the student is moving in any positive direction, parents should try to support them. When parents expect and demand that their children be like them, disappointment and anger will often follow. Each child must become his/her own person and find their own path to their dreams. For many parents, that is a difficult lesson.

2. Listen With Empathy - Things don't always go well. That's why it is important for parents to be there when their children need them. Importantly, parents should be prepared to listen in a non-judgmental way and show empathy. Overly harsh criticism at the time of a serious disappointment or crisis may drive you apart.

Savvy parents try to listen in a way that shows their children that they care. When a child expresses his/her feelings and frustrations, parents should look for the positives and help them see other options and alternatives. Parents shouldn't take it personally, if the child seems angry with them.

The next day, or when things calm down, parents should make it clear that they are on the same side and want only the best for their children. However, minor disappointments are part of life. Parents can help their children find the strength to look for alternatives and find other paths. However, at this stage of a child's life, it is no longer the parent's role to try to fix every little problem. Parents should encourage children to pick themselves up, learn from the experience, move in a new direction and try again. That's how children mature.

3. Provide Active Support - The most effective parents are usually active in their child's school life. They belong to the PTA, attend school sports, activities and events, go to parent conferences, help with homework and coach their children through minor difficulties.

When the student is planning to go to college, supportive parents help with research on colleges that offer the right major, financial aid, work-study programs and then accompany the student on campus tours, they also remind the student of obligations and deadlines. However, since "help" doesn't mean doing everything for them, the student should take the lead and parents should play a supportive role.

Disinterested students are unlikely to get excited about a college that their parents have selected for them. If the student isn't actively involved with the college search process, they are less likely to succeed in college.

4. Encourage Student Performance - The first of all rules for parents is to model the attitude, behaviour and performance you want from your children. Students seldom improve their performance and behaviour based on a "do as I say, not as I do" approach.

"Encouragement will always have a positive effect."

Successful parents frequently use words of encouragement and supportive actions to show their children how to make improvements. They show their love and cheer their children on to perform at their best. Even when that performance falls short, they offer encouragement and support. These parents understand that their children will not be good at everything. Therefore, they encourage their children to explore their interests, do their best and try to learn how to do better next time.

Effective parents encourage their children to broaden their experiences by participating in school clubs, sports and activities. They recognize that part-time work and community activities can be an effective way to expose their children to the real world. These personal experiences frequently motivate students to do better in school and can help them identify a potential direction.

Parents play an important role. When they align themselves with their child's hopes and dreams, a powerful team is formed. Students are more likely to reach their full potential when their parents actively support their direction and goals. Therefore, smart parents support their children whenever they are moving in a positive direction and mean it when they say, "I believe in you."

by BobRoth
BY: Kenneth Tan, Ze peng, Chai Jie of 10S16

Role of Family and Parents - Deviation of family roles

6. Deviation of family roles

There are many consequences of an unsupportive family and bad parenting. Children, work life, marriage, parenting, and society must suffer the cost of this irresponsibility.

With reference to the MCYS (Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports), “Families serve as an important pillar of support for the nation. At the individual level, families are the primary source of emotional, social and financial support. At the national level, they contribute to social stability and national cohesiveness as they help develop socially responsible individuals and deepen the bond Singaporeans have with our country. ”

- As such, if family breaks down, family ties would be broken, fail to provide the optimal environment for healthy nurturing of it’s members.
- On a larger scale, it would also result in social instability and national cohesion would not be able to take place.
- Worst case scenarios are portrayed through domestic violence, juvenile delinquency, divorce, some of which are showing an upward trend in Singapore today.
- Maid abuse trends have shown an increase.
- Stats: there has been an increase in maid abuse cases from 140000 in 2002 to 170000 in 2008. source= survey from HOME ( humanitarian organization for migration economics).

Role of Family and Parents - Pro-active vs. Passive parents

5. Pro-active vs. Passive parents

Proactive parents are enthusiastic about their children’s life and their development process. They want the best for their children and would engage in their child’s school activity, such as serving as a volunteer in the school. They may also Enroll children into tuitions for various subjects to increase the child’s competitiveness.

Passive parents are less caring about their child’s social and academic life. Unresponsive to the child’s school activity unless urgent, such as meet-the-parent sessions.

In the past, the Role of parents focused largely on Informal education such as the upbringing of children and instilling of moral values. However, nowadays, the parent’s roles are intertwined with schools, and organizations. They can provide formal and informal education to children via many forms and methods.

School based Family-life education
- School family education (SFE)
School Family Education (SFE) adopts a holistic family learning model - equipping parents with effective parenting skills and training them to be parent facilitators, helping school staff to enhance their family life, and providing students with life skills training.
The parent-child relationship has much impact on the child's academic achievements and positive attitudes/ behavior, regardless of socio-economic status, ethnic/ racial background or parents' education level.

- Parent education in Pre-school (PEP)
Research shows that the very first years of a child's life are the most crucial as the building blocks of the brain are created. When a child is given a good start in life, in a loving and nurturing environment, the child will be better prepared when he starts schooling. Children who have a difficult time adjusting to school in the early years are more likely to continue experiencing these problems throughout their schooling years. Parental involvement and parent education are important to raise confident and loving children with positive values.
PEPS aims to enhance the quality of family life of parents and their pre-school children by making family life education resources easily available at pre-schools through programmes and family life corners.

Role of Family and Parents - Nuclear vs. Extended Families

4. nuclear vs extended families

External/extended family = Extended family refers to the family members who extend beyond the immediate or nuclear family of parents and their children. External families need not be directly related by blood. It is not only constrained by parent child relationships. Extended family is contrasted with the nuclear family. It is a rich network for human relationships and great support for the raising of children and continuation of the lineage.

On the other hand, nuclear family was developed in the western world to distinguish the family group consisting of parents and their children
www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Nuclear_family

e.g. In Singapore, extended families are encouraged. Cousins and relatives. Policies e.g.
more people or youths however are showing the nuclear family role.
The government tries to encourage the families to live near each other using various housing policies
- Due to land constraints in Singapore, extended families are not encouraged.
- However, Singapore government promotes family bonding through granting subsidies, “CPF Housing Grant for Family Grant”, to those who live near their parents/married child
- Policies= The Multi-Tier Family Housing Scheme encourages co-residence by giving priority allocation for public housing to extended-family application
- The Joint Selection Scheme encourages close-proximity living of the generations by allowing parents and married children to have priority in selecting separate public flats in the same estate. Benefits of this scheme and the Multi-Tier Family Housing Scheme also include option to pay lesser amount of a commitment deposit and more attractive mortgage loan package.
- The CPF (Central Provident Fund) Housing Grant is available to married first-time applicants where they will be eligible for a $ 30 000 to $40 000 housing grant if they buy a resale flat room from the open market near to their parent’s house, defined as within the same town or within 2km.

Role of Family and Parents - Case study on Asian values and western values in Singapore

3. Case study on Asian values and western values in Singapore.
Asian values = dependence on family. loyal to family and value family bonding time. Living with parents. Respect parents. Is applicable in Singapore. Due to our Asian heritage.
However, people are showing an uncaring trend. Youths do not value family as much as they should.
Western values = more uncaring, more freedom given to children. Western values are considered more relaxed and slack. There is not that much focus on education and thus the youths do not have many problems.

Difference and similarity in the values? To what extent is this shown in Singapore?

PM LEE 09 Rally speech - Govt pushing for filial piety
http://health.asiaone.com/Health/News/Story/A1Story20090816-161409.html

PM's Office - Govt may act against children who dump their elderly parents
http://www.pmo.gov.sg/News/Transcripts/Prime+Minister/Govt+may+act+against+children+who+dump+their+elderly+parents.htm

Maintenance of Parents Act
http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/non_version/cgi-bin/cgi_retrieve.pl?&actno=Reved-167B&date=latest&method=part


From the recent national day rally by PM lee, he reminded the public that filial piety is a traditional virtue that should be maintained. This shows that he places an importance in Singaporean families to embrace their traditional values and that we should always fufill our responsibilities to our parents.

Role of Family and Parents - Family Ties

2. Role of Family – Family Ties
2.1 Emotional Support within Family
Even though the percentage of Singaporeans that agreed that they had a close-knit family has decreased from 97% to 93%, 99% of Singaporeans still agreed that children should regularly spend time with their elderly parents and that parents should regularly communicate with their young children even when they were busy. This indicates that Singaporeans generally had strong views on parental responsibility and filial piety and understood that these included providing emotional support.

Year

% of Singaporeans that agreed that they had a close-knit family

2001

97

2003

93

(Results from SAS (Social Attitudes Survey)2003 and SAS 2001)

2.2 Financial Support within Family
- 99% of Singaporeans felt they had the duty to give financial support to their family members - from (SAS 2003 (Social Attitudes Survey) )

- With respect to family members in need, the commitment to providing emotional and financial support was strong, as seen from the above statistics.


CONCLUSION
Overall, the wellbeing of family structure and ties in Singapore is generally positive. This is evident from the dominance of households with a family nucleus, Singaporeans’ pro-family attitudes and disapproval of divorce and having children out of wedlock, and Singaporeans’ strong consensus that the family is the buttress of emotional and financial support. Most Singaporeans also had a positive view of their close-knit families and were satisfied with their family life. The analysis also showed that ties between parents and their married children remained strong, even for those who lived apart, as there was generally a high frequency of visits and contact, through grandparents assisting in caring for grandchildren. Children also continued to support their parents financially.

Role of Family and Parents - Traditional vs Modern

Role of Family / Parents

1. Role of Family – Traditional vs Modern (bonding of family members)
1.1 Family Size and Structures – Household Size
Household size in Singapore showed a declining trend, decreasing from an average of 5 persons in 1980 to 4 persons in 2000. Larger households that have 6 or more members are also undergoing a transformation into becoming smaller families that consisted 1-3 members.

Year

No. of person(s) in household

1980

5

2000

4


Statistics of Household Size from 1990 to 2000

Members in households

1990

2000

Status

6 members (extended)

21%

12%

Decreased by 9%

2-3 members (nuclear)

29%

36%

Increased by 7%

1 member (nuclear)

5%

8%

Increased by 3%

(Percentage as to all of Singapore’s households )

1.2 Family Size and Structures – Household Structure
In 2000, one-family nuclear households remained as the dominant household structure. Moreover, the traditional family structure that consisted of 2 or more families with three or more generations have also gradually decreased.

Type of households

1980

2000

Multi-family Households (extended)

11%

6%

(Percentage as to all of Singapore’s households)

Type of households

2000

1 family Households (nuclear)

82%

(Percentage as to all of Singapore’s households)


- The above statistics proved that modern thought of living only with spouses have gradually eroded away the traditional thought of living with many generations (eg: grandparents, parents, brother-in-laws etc.)
- Thus, it is proved that the role of family which was to bond many families from different generations together had eroded throughout the years and that the role is diminishing among Singapore’s families.